...it’s just not meant to be found until you give up looking for it, put the puzzle away, and take the trash out.
Come to find out, the reason school was always very difficult for me was because I am a little dyslexic and a little A.D.D. School just wasn’t my cup of tea, but I pushed through and finished the whole kettle. I said goodbye to Concordia University on May 2005 and hello to rent, bills, and work…I was juggling 3 jobs at one point; a nanny for two boys in Irvine, a youth leader at a church in Lake Forest, and a waitress at a vegan restaurant down the street from my apartment in Costa Mesa. I was living with Tiffany, Julie, and Marlayna, my “sisters” that I met and lived with in college and despite all of the work chaos, life was good. I never did like Orange County. From the moment I arrived at school, the people, the attitudes, I was a v-town girl with wild curly brown hair and the only plastic thing on me was my retainer (which I still wear at night, thank you Dr. McAuliff) basically I stuck out like a sore thumb. Anyway, the point is, for the first time in the 5 years that I lived in the O.C. I finally felt like I was home. I was getting to really know people in Costa Mesa…yes, most of them had plastic “additions” to their bodies, but I got to know their hearts and because I was so focused on how fake they were on the outside, I missed out on getting to know how beautiful many of them were on the inside. “Tiffany, I know you’re from the O.C. I’m sorry I always talk crap about the people from here, I seriously have this crazy feeling that God won’t call me to leave this place until I choose to love, truly love this place.” Tiffany and I were roommates for 5 years and for at least 4 of those years she heard me bash and complain, and mock all the fake people I saw. So when my heart finally let go of all the judgment and I began to love and cherish the people around me, I knew the Lord was getting ready to move me… and that’s when I heard… “TO GROW UP YOU’VE GOT TO GO HOME.” Sounding like a cheerleader at a Pop Warner football game, over and over again that phase rang in my ears. I didn’t know what could be more frustrating, not hearing anything from the Lord, or hearing what he was calling me to do next. “This doesn’t make sense Lord, growing up is NOT going home…live with my parents again? After 5 years of proving to them and myself that I can live on my own, and NOW I’m suppose to rely on them? Ask for help? This is not GROWING!” I fought and fought to convince God that this couldn’t possibly be what he was asking of me until I broke the news to Tiff in tears laying on our Costa Mesa cockroach infested apartment floor. “Tiff, I think I am supposed to move home…” I hated the thought of braking up our family of four but I knew over time and turmoil that even though “To grow up you’ve got to go home.” made no sense it to me then, God was clearly asking me to trust…and to obey…and to praise him anyway. I thought of the worship song often during this time “He gives and takes away, he gives and takes away, my heart will chose to say, blessed be the name of the Lord.” I packed my bags, and through tears in my eyes I said goodbye to the girls.
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